Bring It To The Fire

Tonight, if your heart feels heavy,

don't try to lift it.

Just bring it to the fire.

Bring:

- the loneliness

- the grief

- the longing

- the uncertainty

- the exhaustion

All of it.

Let the fire hold it for a while.

You don't have to.

A few nights ago, my heart was heavy.

I had been carrying so much.

Old grief.

New grief.

Longing.

Disappointment.

Questions about love.

Questions about myself.

I didn't want to think my way out of it anymore.

So I did what I often do.

I went into my heart.

I closed my eyes and entered the landscape that lives inside me.

As I moved deeper, I realized I had become a candle.

A living light.

My dress was made of wax and my flame stretched high above me. The cavern around me was enormous. The shadows danced against the walls, larger than life.

Then people began to appear.

People from every chapter of my life.

One by one, they approached me and took a small piece of my dress.

A little wax.

At first it didn't seem like much.

But they kept coming.

And coming.

And coming.

Every person taking a little bit.

A little more of my light.

A little more of my energy.

A little more of myself.

By the time they were done, there wasn't much left.

I continued walking deeper into the cavern.

Far below, I saw a fire.

And somehow I knew immediately what it was.

The fire was me.

And it was my ancestors.

And it was Creator.

And it was every person who truly loved me.

It was all the same fire.

Sitting near it was another light.

Round and glowing.

Almost like a golden pancake of light.

And somehow I knew that was me too.

A forgotten piece of myself.

A lost piece.

A waiting piece.

By the time I reached the fire, all that remained of me was a long, thin flame.

Just a flicker.

The smallest version of myself.

And then I did the only thing that made sense.

I jumped into the fire.

The moment I touched it, I felt something I had spent my entire life searching for.

The feeling I had chased through relationships.

Through achievement.

Through helping others.

Through proving myself.

Through trying to be chosen.

It was there.

The whole time.

Inside my own heart.

The fire didn't consume me.

It restored me.

I sat there in perfect warmth.

Perfect belonging.

Perfect peace.

And slowly, the round golden light that had been waiting by the fire began to move toward me.

It reentered me.

Piece by piece.

Light by light.

Until I was whole again.

Healthy again.

Happy again.

Not because someone chose me.

Not because someone stayed.

Not because I earned it.

Because I remembered.

I remembered that what I had been searching for all my life was already inside me.

The fire was never outside of me.

The love was never outside of me.

The belonging was never outside of me.

I had simply forgotten where to look.

This Sunday brings a rare Blue Moon.

People often speak of moons as a time of release, but this one feels different to me.

Less about letting go.

More about remembering.

Remembering what was never lost, only forgotten.

And maybe that's what healing is.

Not becoming someone new.

Not fixing what is broken.

But remembering.

Remembering the fire.

Remembering yourself.

Remembering that no matter how much of your wax has been taken by the world, there is a place inside you where the flame never goes out.

So tonight, if your heart feels heavy, don't try to lift it.

Just bring it to the fire.

Let it hold you for a while.

You don't have to carry it alone.